Baby Superpowers

For the longest time I have felt that babies have superpowers.

They are capable of the most amazing things:

They can make a mother hear their cry from miles away.

They can transform a dead-beat dude into a terrific and dedicated father.

They can melt the heart of the most hardened grandfather who meta-morphs into a babbling over-the-top, clown.

I have known all these things but today I discovered the most amazing and baffling baby power of all that I really have no explanation for.

And that is baby's ability to defy gravity- especially when it comes to their poop.

Sander kindly showed me this phenomenon today. And, truth be told, I was amazed.

Sander was sitting in his Bumbo happily playing with a toy while I was sweeping the kitchen. I leaned over to plant a kiss on his squishy forehead when I sensed the stench.

"Woop! We better go change ya buddy!"

So I carried him into the nursery and set him on the changing table. I pulled off his little pants to inspect the damage. I saw a little leakage down the left leg onto the onesie so he would have to be changed but, still not too bad. I unbuttoned the snaps on his onesie, lifted his legs and slid the onesie up his back with my hand . . . big mistake. This I realized as I pulled my now poopy hand back out from under him.

::sigh::

Alright, a routine diaper change has just turned into a Situation. I knew the cloth diaper I had under him was finished- it was definitely going to have to be washed so I proceeded to implement the emergency procedures.

First, clean off my hand so the poop is contained.

Second, lift the front of the onesie up as high as I can and extract the baby arms from the sleeves.

Third, unbutton the snaps at the neck and carefully lift the front of the onesie up and over his head while trying to keep the back of the onesie as far down as possible so the poop doesn't slide up all over his back.

Usually this 1-2-3 procedure works pretty well and after a lot of wipes he's pretty clean, but this was not a normal poop. I realized that it is up to his neck, all over his back and even on the back of his arms. I'm thinking:

"Dang Sander! That had to have been one heck of a poop for it to spread all the way up here!"

At this point, it is a lost battle. I fill up the tub and put Sander in it to clean him off. After he is cleaned, diapered, and dressed I go to clean up the changing table so it won't stink up the nursery too badly. My first item of business is to satisfy my morbid curiosity and look in his diaper to see what a huge explosion he must have had-- here is where the amazing part is:

There was almost NO poop in his diaper. There was a little on the side where it leaked out of the bottom and then it was all over the top where it squished out, but the bottom of the diaper was white and pristine. Somehow, Sander defied gravity and instead of letting his poop drop down into his diaper, he sent it shooting straight up the back.

Like I said, Superpowers.

5 Wipes to a Bath

Normally I bathe my son at night before bedtime. He LOVES his bath and I think it really relaxes him. This is the story of the events which led him to finagle an additional bath this morning.

1 AM

Sander wakes me up crying. I pick him up, give him a kiss on the head and take him into the nursery to change his diaper, which was poopy, and nurse him. I burp him, lay him back down in his Rock N' Play (Which is the best thing ever- if you have a baby or know someone that is going to have one, you should get them that!) and go back to sleep.

6AM

Sander wakes me up crying. I pick him, up, give him a kiss on the head and take him into the nursery to change his diaper, which was poopy, and nurse him. I burp him, lay him back down in his Rock N' Play, take him in the kitchen so he can watch me make myself breakfast. Daddy and I chat and drink some hot tea on this chilly morning before he goes to work. Sander falls back asleep.

9 AM

Sander wakes up while I am folding laundry. I sit on the bed and nurse him first this time, because I know he will poop again afterwards. Sander poops. Sander burps, not once, but three times. I take him into the nursery and change his diaper. I put together his little play mat from Grandma Griggs and set him on it so he can see the dangling moon and star that are crunchy and jingly, respectively. Five minutes later finds me on the floor next to him organizing some of his hospital paperwork while I help him control his hands to bat at the toys. I turn back to my paperwork and hear him blast off again. I looked back at him and started laughing- "Again?? That's your fourth poop today- a record even for you, ya little poop machine!"

Wipes 1 & 2

I put him on the changing table (basically with just a little plastic pad on it- no sheet which my mom gets on me for. I just put down a cloth diaper to catch any spills or leaks.) and use two wipes to make sure his bum is poo-free. Wipes one and two get wrapped up with the diaper.

Wipe 3

Just as I'm finishing up Sander looks at me with a big smile on his face... and spits up a ton of milk. It's all over his sleeper, in his hair and his hand and he couldn't be happier. I sigh, grab a wipe and start wiping it up off the changing table, under his neck and the back of his head. I resolve that the sleeper is soaked beyond repair so it is probably time to change him into a daytime outfit anyway. Wipe 4 goes in the diaper pail.

Wipe 4

I grab Sander's feet and lift up so I can put the clean diaper underneath his bum. Just as I do he starts peeing. A perfect stream going right above his head. I quickly put my hand down on it to try and contain the peep and wait until he's done, knowing I'm going to have to get a fresh diaper now. I look over at Sander and he is in complete shock with pee all over his face and sleeper. I HAD to laugh. I grab wipe 4 and clean off his face first, the top of the diaper pail, the edge of the changing table and I didn't even touch the sleeper because that thing is SO going in the dirty laundry! Wipe 4 goes in the diaper pail. At this point, a new outfit isn't going to cut it- this boy is in serious need of a bath!

Wipe 5

I get Sander out of his sleeper and discard the now wet diaper. I take the sleeper over to the closet and put it in the dirty laundry and return to the changing table just in time to see Sander spit up again. You've won Sander! You're getting a bath! You can stop with the expulsions! :)

I wipe it up and pick up my adorable little boy, hoping that he is done excreting things for the time being. Wipe 5 goes in the garbage.

I filled up his baby bath tub and put Sander in it. I think he must have expelled everything he has because he usually pees right when he gets in but he had nada this time. I give the little guy a nice bath and soap him up from head-to-toe. He loves it! Nice clean baby! I grab his towel and right as I'm about to grab him, like an encore performance, he shoots a stream of pee right into the little cubby at the end of his bath tub.

Bravo Sander, Bravo.

And my mother wonders why I don't bother with a sheet on my changing table...

But honestly, how could anyone ever get mad at this face?