Baby Superpowers

For the longest time I have felt that babies have superpowers.

They are capable of the most amazing things:

They can make a mother hear their cry from miles away.

They can transform a dead-beat dude into a terrific and dedicated father.

They can melt the heart of the most hardened grandfather who meta-morphs into a babbling over-the-top, clown.

I have known all these things but today I discovered the most amazing and baffling baby power of all that I really have no explanation for.

And that is baby's ability to defy gravity- especially when it comes to their poop.

Sander kindly showed me this phenomenon today. And, truth be told, I was amazed.

Sander was sitting in his Bumbo happily playing with a toy while I was sweeping the kitchen. I leaned over to plant a kiss on his squishy forehead when I sensed the stench.

"Woop! We better go change ya buddy!"

So I carried him into the nursery and set him on the changing table. I pulled off his little pants to inspect the damage. I saw a little leakage down the left leg onto the onesie so he would have to be changed but, still not too bad. I unbuttoned the snaps on his onesie, lifted his legs and slid the onesie up his back with my hand . . . big mistake. This I realized as I pulled my now poopy hand back out from under him.

::sigh::

Alright, a routine diaper change has just turned into a Situation. I knew the cloth diaper I had under him was finished- it was definitely going to have to be washed so I proceeded to implement the emergency procedures.

First, clean off my hand so the poop is contained.

Second, lift the front of the onesie up as high as I can and extract the baby arms from the sleeves.

Third, unbutton the snaps at the neck and carefully lift the front of the onesie up and over his head while trying to keep the back of the onesie as far down as possible so the poop doesn't slide up all over his back.

Usually this 1-2-3 procedure works pretty well and after a lot of wipes he's pretty clean, but this was not a normal poop. I realized that it is up to his neck, all over his back and even on the back of his arms. I'm thinking:

"Dang Sander! That had to have been one heck of a poop for it to spread all the way up here!"

At this point, it is a lost battle. I fill up the tub and put Sander in it to clean him off. After he is cleaned, diapered, and dressed I go to clean up the changing table so it won't stink up the nursery too badly. My first item of business is to satisfy my morbid curiosity and look in his diaper to see what a huge explosion he must have had-- here is where the amazing part is:

There was almost NO poop in his diaper. There was a little on the side where it leaked out of the bottom and then it was all over the top where it squished out, but the bottom of the diaper was white and pristine. Somehow, Sander defied gravity and instead of letting his poop drop down into his diaper, he sent it shooting straight up the back.

Like I said, Superpowers.