Sunday, February 6, 2011

Have You Ever Noticed....

Disclaimer: All of the below is said Tongue In Cheek so please read it as such. Otherwise it is going to come off as really High-In-Mighty and all scoldy which is really not me. So please, people. Tongue In Cheek.

Have you ever noticed that when you see a woman do something in the kitchen, or with her child that you don't agree with, you just keep your mouth shut and think, "I don't agree with that, but, it's her kitchen/child and that is how she is choosing to handle that."

But, if we see a man do something we don't like we automatically have license to correct him because he's just a stupid man that doesn't know how to do anything when he's out of his domain AKA work.

That is something that I have just recently realized that many women, including myself, do subconsciously and, for men, annoyingly often. I know that I think I am helping to correct my wayward Husband or Father or Brother when I correct them so quickly but really I am cutting their confidence in half and driving them away from participating in the kitchen or with child care or any number of domestic tasks that women ALWAYS wish their husbands were more involved in.

I'm pretty possessive about my kitchen and I would always tell Casey what he was doing wrong while he was cooking or loading the dishwasher etc. because I can be pretty particular. One day Casey just walked out of the kitchen and I thought exasperatedly, "Ugh. Now his ego is hurt and I have to go pet it and make it better when all I'm trying to do is help him be better! Can't he see that?!?"

Then Casey made a point that has changed our marriage forever. He told me, "I can be right in the kitchen." And I thought, "That's true." He can be right in the kitchen. Just because he is not doing something exactly how I would do it, doesn't mean that he isn't valid in his approach. Ever since I have taken that stance in our marriage and I go to nit-pick him, I first think, "Casey can be right in the kitchen." It has taken time for me to let go, but it has increased Casey's confidence and made him WANT to participate more in domestic tasks which gives both of us a lot of joy.

We LOVE working together to cook a meal, do the dishes or clean the house. It is very gratifying and fun because he feels confident in his abilities around the house and I love being with him. He is also a wonderful and involved father who is confident in taking care of our son. My friends are always amazed when I would leave the house right after I had the baby- they would always say, "Where is your baby?!" I would tell them my husband was taking care of him and they were always shocked.

Granted, some men don't feel comfortable with being left with an infant and that is fine. Babies are definitely a learning experience, but Casey felt confident and I feel confident in him so I entrust him with all the tasks that I normally do to take care of our child.

This blends over into all areas of our relationship. Men can be right. And since I have let go of my superior, let-me-teach-you-how-to-do-things-around-the-house-correctly attitude, I have become a better cook and housekeeper because Casey has taught ME how to do things better than the way I used to do them.

I'm SO grateful for a wonderful husband who is willing to find the joy in housework and tell me what he thinks of my curtains instead of using the stupid excuse, "Why should I care about the curtains? I'm a man." UUGGHHHH! Definitely something that won't fly in our house- using your gender as an excuse for apathy or laziness. But gender is also not an excuse to assume that one point of view is constantly right and one is constantly wrong....although I am usually right. :)

So women, let your men be right. If you want your man to help out in the house, don't nag him! Make it fun, boost his confidence so that he enjoys being home more than being at work because he feels loved and supported. That is the way to snag your man.


One time, early in our marriage, Casey was sitting on the couch playing on his computer while I was in the kitchen making spaghetti. I was annoyed that he was choosing laziness over helpfulness but instead of complaining about it I tried a little experiment. I said, "Casey, how do you always get the hamburger to break up into such even little chunks when you cook it? Mine always look so lumpy..." Lo and behold, that brought him right into the kitchen to show off his skillz! Not too long after that when he realized that he was making the sauce while I prepared the salad, bread and pasta he looked at me slyly and said, "You said that because you knew that would get me in here to help make dinner didn't you? You don't really admire my even little chunks!" Lol- he knows me too well. But he does make more even chunks when browning hamburger than I do and it was a better way to get him in the kitchen than giving him a guilt trip.


1 comment:

  1. Yes, this is so true! I have learned that encouraging my husband get him to help a lot more than criticizing him. Well said!